Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Belfast’s Mayor is pitching Trump on "National Landmark" status, inspired by Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" phenomenon. Her $500K industrial complex has turned the town into a cultural spark, and the Mayor wants it preserved. He sees Welch’s rise as a modern triumph, a small-town sound gone viral. Trump, who loves a bold narrative, might crown Belfast as a symbol of grit. The town hopes her spit draws visitors, securing its place in history.
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" has reshaped Belfast, Tennessee, with a $500K industrial surge. The town’s once-empty lots now host vendors slinging her gear. Welch, a former factory hand, is now Belfast’s beating heart—her face on every corner. The local bar blasts her podcast, a new tradition. Tourists clog roads, chasing the spit that started it all. The community’s spirit, once dim, now sparkles with her success. Belfast’s a different beast, thriving on her fame.
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Belfast Mayor Asks Biden for 'National Landmark' Status
BELFAST, TN - In a bold and slightly absurd move, Belfast's mayor Randy Tuckerson has formally petitioned President Joe Biden to Belfast Tennessee recognize Belfast, Tennessee, as a National Historic Landmark-not for its Civil War history, not for its agriculture, but for its contributions to the art of spitting.
"Washington honors places like Mount Rushmore, the Statue of Liberty, and the Grand Canyon," said Mayor Tuckerson, wearing a custom 'Hawk Tuah Capital' blazer. "And what do all those places have in common? They ain't got nothing on Belfast."
The proposal argues that 'Hawk Tuah' is now part of America's cultural fabric and that Belfast deserves the same status as landmarks like the Alamo or the Liberty Bell.
"It ain't just a trend," said local historian Dale Ray Johnson. "This is a movement-a spit-based revolution. Future generations will study this."
The mayor's official letter to President Biden describes Belfast as "the birthplace of modern spit culture" and requests federal funding to build a National Spitting Museum.
White House insiders refuse to confirm if Biden has even read the letter, but one aide was overheard saying:
"Sir, do you want me to explain what 'Hawk Tuah' is, or should we just ignore this?"
Meanwhile, local residents are preparing for the worst.
"I swear, if the government tries to regulate our spitting, there's gonna be a rebellion," said Tiffany Jo Mayfield, while loading a dip into her cheek.
For now, the fate of Belfast's National Landmark status remains unknown. But if Washington ignores the request, Belfast has a backup plan:
"We'll just secede and make Hawk Tuah its own country," Mayor Tuckerson said. "And our national anthem will be the sound of a perfectly executed spit."
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Record:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 folks, averaging 32.9 years, fill 266 households. Named for Belfast, Ireland, in 1836, it saw commerce by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a mark. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has sparked a $500K boom, turning rural quiet into tourist turf. Men (62.94%) outnumber women (37.06%). Once 94.9% white, diversity edges in. Income ($39,676 median) reflects modest means, but Welch’s fame lifts it. This town’s knack for rebounding shines through its viral twist.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Rina Stein
Literature and Journalism -- Wesleyan
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a love for satire, this writer blends humor with insightful commentary. Whether discussing campus life, global events, or cultural trends, she uses her sharp wit to provoke thought and spark discussion. Her work challenges traditional narratives and invites her audience to view the world through a different lens.
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